DOUBTING HEART

17 years ago this week, two years after my breast cancer diagnosis, God truly gave me a "new lease on life" when our precious Morgan was born.  Following is the poem I wrote to help me come to terms with this wonderful blessing I was about to discover.  Happy Birthday, sweet girl, you have proven over and over again every day for the last 17 years what an awesome God I serve...

"Oh no, dear Lord, this can't be true,

It simply cannot be?"

"Oh yes, my child, it is so right,

You must learn to trust in Me."

"But Lord, can't you see the timing's wrong,

This just can't happen now"

"Believe, my child, that this is right,

And please, stop questioning, "How?"

"Lord, you know I love you more than anything

But I think you're wrong on this."

"Trust me, child, it is part of My plan,

And please stop questioning this."

"Lord, In all things You know what is best for me,

And I trust things will work out fine.

I truly believe with all my heart,

And I pray, 'Thy will, not mine.'"

The months passed quickly, I leaned on the Lord,

And soon I had faced the test...

As labor ended, the doubtings ceased,

When the child lay on my breast.

As I looked with love in the eyes of my babe,

I felt so small and meek.

How could I have doubted this was right?

How could my faith have been so weak?

I do not know what lies ahead,

But one thing has been proven again...

I must have faith, I must believe,

And on the Lord I must always depend.

For I only can see from day to day,

And back into may past,

But the Lord can see what's ahead for me,

He knows the first and last.

His vision is limitless, His wisdom infinite,

I should never doubt His plan.

When my doubtings start, may I push them away,

And walk forward holding His hand.

Roberta Pledge

March 1993

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding."